Mothers who have migrated: Reconciling their past with the demands of new family relationships

Two comparable vignettes are discussed which illustrate the dilemma of mothers who have migrated and who are trying to reconcile their past with their new roles in families in different cultures. Both mothers (Estela and Aneta) struggle with homesickness and with the necessity of adapting to a new country as wives and mothers. In both cases this painful conflict is split off and projected onto their daughters (projective identification). Estela, who migrated from Brazil, appears to project onto her daughter her own need to adapt to the new culture, whereas Anita, who migrated from the Czech Republic, seems to project her need for a symbiotic relationship that functions to separate her from her current painful reality. In each case their husbands react in different ways. Estela’s husband facilitates his wife’s adaptation to her new situation, while Aneta’s husband, who demonstrates less flexibility due his own unconscious needs, stymies his wife’s adaptation. In terms of therapeutic action, the development of symbolic representation assists the empathic identification which is necessary for growth to occur.